Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Time to vent????

So I have really been thinking about the topic of today's entry and whether or not I should type it but, I  have decided that when I set out to talk about my journey that not only was I going to report the good but also the bad and the ugly.  Here goes.

  I guess I can say what I want because, well it is my blog.  LOL  A couple of things have sort of emotionally rocked me this week.  The first topic which I have shared first with Tony and then a couple of close friends is the following.  I guess sometimes when I am on the Lap Band Forum and some other blogs, I read about what some people are eating and I think what???  How are they eating that??  Don't get me wrong I eat....but not always what I want nor what I set out to eat at that meal.  My mornings usually consist of a can of soup at hand that I heat up at work and eat.  Creamy Tomato and Cream of Broccoli are usually in my rotation.  Exciting huh?  Typically lunch when I get home.....soup.  I find that my band is tighter in the mornings which is very common especially more so as you get fills.  My evenings are usually where  I will try to eat like a normal mom.  Meat is still really not my friend.  French fries in the oven, nuggets, fish sticks..... not really friendly to me either.  The secret is to always eat slow, small bites, chew it alot...and be patient and to not get frustrated.  I am learning to listen to my band more and let things try to work their way down but I still know how to make things go much faster but the opposite direction from my stomach.  Sooooo  I explained to Tony that sometimes it frustrates me that I can not eat like some of these other Lap band people but as he explained....are they working the program as well as I am?  Well he got me there.  I have lost 54 pounds since Sept 28th.  That is CRAZY!!!  Am I starving myself?? Do I feel hungry??  Am I wishing I never did this??  NO NO NO.  I just needed to vent it out of my body.  Remember I am trying to rid my body of Toxic things!  :)  So as much as I hate that I can not always enjoy food as much as I did I know that me relearning how to truly enjoy food is so much more important and healthier.  I am getting more comfortable trying new foods and especially trying new foods while out to eat.  I am looking forward to the holidays and praying that some of my favorites also become friends with my band, in moderation!  Lets pray for friendship!!!

My second thing that sort of has crossed my mind the last couple of days is......am I making this Lap Band thing look to easy??  You know me I am a paranoid person!  This is sooooo much work, discipline, dedication and support from my family.  Someone commented on a link I posted the other day about the FDA looking into more people being able to get approved for Lap Band to help those with diabetes and heart disease issues.  Don't get me wrong I am so for that but.....are we going to have a bunch of people rushing to get the Lap Band thinking that then they can throw their insulin away and not worry about heart complications??  Sometimes I wonder if I am making it  look to easy.  This is such a life style change.  I also know that most of the people who read this know that this is not easy but like I said it is my blog and I can say what I want.  This has not been easy for not only myself but also my family.  We try to eat like everything is like it was but I eat super slow now, sometimes I stop eating entirely and wait  to be asked, "something not agreeing with you, or as my kids prefer to say....Are you going to puke?"  Sure I would sign up too if I seen someone drop 54 pounds in like 10 weeks.  I just hope that in some ways if the FDA does get it where insurance companies allow more people to qualify for this procedure people really know what the future holds for them. I did the usual pre-op stuff but also I did alot of research about the new lifestyle you MUST live.   My experience is that very little in my life is similar to how life use to be for me.  I do wish I would have done this a long time ago but not sure if I would have been as successful if I had done it sooner.  Beginning of this year I was READY for a permanent change.  I always try to get my sister to quit smoking and take better care of herself but as much as I want to protect her  as a big sister is suppose to I know until she WANTS to make a change my encouraging nudges will not help her. 

Thanks for letting me vent!  I LOVE my new life as I like to call it.  I feel like I have more energy, I feel better, I am told I look better and  have been told I am more radiant.  Change is good but this is a change that you have to be willing to work every day, every moment of your life.  Everything that I put in my mouth is now a well thought out  decision.  I am so glad that this chapter of my life is going so well and I owe my husband alot of credit for standing by me, supporting me and overall being my best friend and therapist.  I have found as I shed pounds I have also let down some of my tough wall and I tell him alot more how I feel and each time he is there to say something encouraging.  I have not been good with compliments and so when he reminds me how great I am doing and how he knows that I am working this program to a T I find it hard to respond.  This has been hard work but I am so enjoying the rewards.  I better start saving for my new wardrobe so far Goodwill is my between sizes friend! 

Have a wonderful day and may the Lord bless you today! 

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