Monday, June 27, 2016
So Monday is my weigh in morning. Each time when I step on the scale I remind myself that the number does not define me or the dedication that I am putting in. Well I got on the scale and it was not being kind, it said I was up roughly 2 pounds. GRRR!!! Well of course I run thru all the things that I had eaten last week and thinking well duh, you had a birthday cupcake at your niece’s birthday party, you stopped at Starbucks twice, you actually have been eating more frequently so surely that is what happened. STOP THE INSANITY JANE!!! I am not referring to not enjoying life, I am referring to Jane it is okay. I have to type that for the world to see so I can realize that this is a journey and no road is smooth especially when you live in IL. Today I also went to see my social worker. I shared with her how I blog and I am probably a little abnormal when I do since I am so honest someone to give others a glimpse into my head but also to let others know they are not alone in whatever trials they are experiencing. She and I talked about how I have fears this time. I am afraid of becoming obsessed with watching what I eat and exercising too much. Not exactly what she expected I would say. She reminded me that I should always enjoy my food, but maybe do something in moderation. As far as exercise, there is nothing wrong with finding ways to get some movement in with my family and friends and still feel like I am making good choices. I never said this would be easy but in closing of our session somehow we got talking about my mom and her last days. Weird huh! Well she was almost in tears, I was fine, till I left and realized that this is why I HAVE to take care of me. I cannot change my genetics but I can control what I eat, how I treat my body, how I treat my mind. I deserve it!
I have a favor to ask: I am looking for a few ideas of incentives I can reward myself with as I work towards weight, fitness goals and such. Also snacks!! OMG I love to nibble especially at my desk. I am looking for good snacks that do not have a lot of sugar due to my slight blood sugar problem right now and unfortunately I struggle eating raw veggies because I don’t digest them well with my band. So that is your challenge: Incentives and snacks!
Tuesday, June 21, 2016
I wish I could say that I had concurred the beast but I can’t. I’ll introduce some new readers to my journey versus obesity. My weightloss journey began in 2010 when I decided that I was going to change my life forever and have the Lap-Band procedure done. To this day I am glad that I decided to put my health and me in general at the top of the list of needs in my life. I had my surgery after reaching 325 pounds. Over the course of about a year and a half I went from 325 down to 209 pound. My goal was to become “onederful” in the 100’s. My primary doctor at the time wanted me to strive for 175 maybe even 150 pounds. When I was around 209 I had hit a point of insanity. My day typically consisted up to 3 hours of working out and depriving myself of food and defiantly treats. I got to a point that I would not let myself have even a Hershey kiss. Well thankfully my husband told me that my new addiction had gotten out of hand. What I did not realize I was I had a food addiction. When I felt happy, I ate. When I felt sad, I ate. When I was with friends, I ate. I ATE AND ATE. Once I started to drop the weight, I decided all I wanted to do was exercise and I better not dare eat because I can’t gain weight again! This was not part of my plan. I started to relax for a while and that got me to my best weight of around 225. I continued to use my treadmill at home and started to experience pain in my right foot. Come to find out I had a stress fracture in my 4th metatarsal and ended up experiencing multiple months in a boot or cast, 2 surgeries and a summer of physical therapy to get my foot back into a regular shoe and be able to walk without pain in every step over the next 3 years. During this time I was not getting any fills in my band because I needed to take care of my foot and I can’t be exercising so it will all be okay. In the Fall of 2015 I could walk again and I was relieved of that but realized that I had let myself come in last in regards of priorities and I had returned to weighing almost 300 pounds. For a while I told myself how I had failed, I was a failure, I would never get back into shape and what was the point?? Depression took over my emotions, I started to eat all the time just to sooth myself. I have to say beginning of this spring I started to really not like the person I had become. Sure I had good intentions but talk is cheap unless you do something about it. In April I realized that emotionally I needed to get back on track. I have always been open to share that a great member of my wellness team has always been a good social worker. I called a lady that I had clicked with previously and said I wanted to come in and let’s work on me some. At this time I also started to have some symptoms that mimicked diabetes. My mom was on medication for diabetes, my dad takes insulin and I had gestational diabetes. I shared my symptoms with my doctor and we went ahead and did labs and to her surprise my sugar was up significantly enough where I too needed to get on some meds and change what I was doing. I often think many of us just need a kick in the butt to get our motivation kick started. This is what it took for me. So since April I have been seeing my social worker friend again, started taking metformin for my diabetes, watching what I eat, I have gotten my band filled, being very conscious of my food choices, how I talk to myself and trying to get more steps in each day. Of course not every day goes great nor am I perfect but I have went from 305 to 289 in the last few weeks. I drink my protein every morning, trying to figure out how to beat my chocolate cravings (Sugar Free Fudge Pops!) and try to be mindful of my portions. This past week my daughter Raegyn and I have started the Daniel Plan. The core principles of the Daniel Plan are Faith, Food, Fitness, Focus, and Friends. So far Raegyn and I have set our goals and are working the plan together. We both have different focus areas which is good for us. I use My Fitness Pal to track my food, water, and such. I use my Fitbit to track my steps. I have friends and of course my family supporting me.This time around I have different goals. I want to focus on my health more than the scale which is hard for me. I am a number person. I have set more realistic goals this time. Right now my first big goal is 249. After than we will try to work out a plan for 225. Who knows how long it will take but it doesn’t matter. Obesity is a disease, one that typically wins if you let it. I will always be obese and I am okay with that. No matter how hard I try I won’t get down to the chart hanging in the doctor’s office. My goal is to work hard, take care of myself and not let weight loss take over my life in a negative way. I encourage you to follow my journey, encourage me, keep me accountable and give me tips on what has worked for you. I am not in this alone so be a part of my team. I have things like genetics and depression working against me so my fight will take many tools to keep it in check. Right now I feel like I can hang with this beast.