Too Blessed To Be Stressed

     Well it has been a little over a month since I had my Lap-Band revision.  I have to say the first week I did really great and lost a few pounds then life got back to normal.  At this point I am really about right where I started.  I had to go in yesterday for a check-up and I have to say I was a little hesitant since I knew that the scale doesn’t lie and it wasn’t going to be kind to me and lie to make me feel better.  As I walked in and the gorgeous September sun shown on my face I got thinking how my clothes actually seem to be fitting better, some recent labs had shown some good signs of positive change.  So when I checked in I thought, what do I have to be stressed about??? I am so blessed!  I have opportunities to help me get healthier, I have friends and family who are willing to help me and darn it, this time the journey might go slower but I am going to enjoy the journey this time.  I met with Laurie and she is so sweet and reassuring.  She was happy with my progress.  She reminded me that the day of surgery Dr. Rohrschibe took out a cc of insulin.  My response was I have 3 still in there I thought so shouldn't I feel more restricted??  She said nope, Jane you have like 1/3 of a cc currently in your band.  WHAT????  I have been doing pretty good with no help?  Hot Dogs!!!  So she put in 1 cc of saline and told me that I am a rock star and I will achieve all of my goals and just be patient that it isn’t going to be as fast this time, but that is okay. I will go back in a month and get another fill if I feel that I need it.  I love that I am in charge of my care!  

               In the past month I have tried to work on the entire me.  I have been reading a couple of books, looking for ways to be inspired and sway away from drama.  I have always had a hard time saying no and I am starting to get a little better about that and not feeling as guilty about it.  In October Tony and I are headed to Florida for a wedding and sure I may not have a beach body but I know that we will have a great time together enjoying the beach.  I have a couple of goals that I want to achieve before I go.  I am going to work hard to achieve them but if it doesn’t happen I can know that every step is on the path to a better lifestyle. 

               I appreciate the support I have gotten to this point and if I can help you please don’t ever hesitate to ask!  Jane

Big news in regards to my weight loss journey.

So if you are one to follow the blog you know back in February around my 40th birthday I decided it was time for me to start looking our for me and my health more.  I had done so great a few years ago around 2010 to drop a lot of weight.  I went from 324 down to 209.  Overall I was doing great but during that time  of 2013 I started to gain again.  It had to be me not watching what I ate so carefully, wasn't getting enough exercise so I began to deprive myself of food which is not good for healthy weight loss and  I was  exercising  to much and too hard.  I ended up with a stress fracture in my right foot as we all remember required years of boots, casts, surgeries and physical therapy.  In the fall I told myself you need to get back on taking care of you but don't do it until you are all in!  So for my 40th birthday I gave myself another nudge.  I started trying to walk more, watch what I ate and be aware of what  I ate and how such.  I met with my primary to find out that my blood sugar was high so we were going to try some meds for that and she encouraged me to get back to getting fills in my Lapband.  Well it had been a long time since I did that and when I went back we put in some fluid,  then about a month later we put a little more in.  So at that point ideally I had some restriction in my band, I was trying to walk more, eat better, and get more emotionally in tune.  Well I got frustrated because from one fill appointment to the next I gain 4 pounds in a month.  Sure I had a few cheats and such but what the heck?  My Dr. Sidney Rohrscibe then shared with me about 3 years ago he suspected that I had a hole in my band and that is why I was gaining weight.  That is when I came MIA from him because I was taking care of my foot problems, depressed and just not motivated to work the program hence gaining a lot of my weight back.  :(  Sure enough he checked my band and I should have had 3 1/2 cc's in my band and I had less than one.  So this meant I need to go back in and replace the port of my band.  On Thursday the 19th I went in for outpatient surgery and thankfully I only needed the port replaced with its tubing.  I am doing great today, feel very motivated to get back to a healthy weight again.  I will say this has been a tough emotional journey.  I know that the band leak has nothing to do with anything I did or didn't do.  I try to stop the negative thoughts that I have failed again in my weight loss journey.

Weight is something that many folks battle with.  For me blogging about it helps me track and share about my journey but most of all I do it to inspire others.  I have encouraged a couple to get back tuned in on their Lapband journey, I have talked to others thinking about looking at the Lapband.   I have many who have felt inspired to do little things for their health and that is great.  It is not easy by any means!!   I am an open book I can tell you the good, the bad, and the ugly.  Something ugly today is how bruised my stomach is but I guess no pain no lose in my case.

If you are a follower, you know I am  not one to ever hide the facts.  I got to 301 this time when I said enough is enough.  Yesterday before surgery I had gotten down to 287.  So I have set many goals with rewards, getting my nails done, day trip get away with the family, and overnight with Tony, and possibly a purse when I hit 225.  That is a good weight for me but I will work very carefully with my team to get to a good weight for me after that.  Team that is a big thing!  I have many on my team: My Lapband doctor and his staff that are all great, my primary, my social worker, my gym, and more importantly my family and friends.

I ask for encouragement and I am always willing to chat with you about my journey and such.  Life is a journey, every one's is different but that is why us helping makes it easier!  I will use this as a way to share my journey.  Pictures from yesterday are attached!

Monday Blah's

So Monday is my weigh in morning.  Each time when I step on the scale I remind myself that the number does not define me or the dedication that I am putting in.  Well I got on the scale and it was not being kind, it said I was up roughly 2 pounds.  GRRR!!!  Well of course I run thru all the things that I had eaten last week and thinking well duh, you had a birthday cupcake at your niece’s birthday party, you stopped at Starbucks twice, you actually have been eating more frequently so surely that is what happened.  STOP THE INSANITY JANE!!!  I am not referring to not enjoying life, I am referring to Jane it is okay.  I have to type that for the world to see so I can realize that this is a journey and no road is smooth especially when you live in IL.  Today I also went to see my social worker.  I shared with her how I blog and I am probably a little abnormal when I do since I am so honest someone to give others a glimpse into my head but also to let others know they are not alone in whatever trials they are experiencing.  She and I talked about how I have fears this time.  I am afraid of becoming obsessed with watching what I eat and exercising too much.  Not exactly what she expected I would say.  She reminded me that I should always enjoy my food, but maybe do something in moderation.  As far as exercise, there is nothing wrong with finding ways to get some movement in with my family and friends and still feel like I am making good choices.  I never said this would be easy but in closing of our session somehow we got talking about my mom and her last days.  Weird huh!  Well she was almost in tears, I was fine, till I left and realized that this is why I HAVE to take care of me.  I cannot change my genetics but I can control what I eat, how I treat my body, how I treat my mind.  I deserve it! 

I have a favor to ask:  I am looking for a few ideas of incentives I can reward myself with as I work towards weight, fitness goals and such.  Also snacks!!  OMG  I love to nibble especially at my desk.  I am looking for good snacks that do not have a lot of sugar due to my slight blood sugar problem right now and unfortunately I struggle eating raw veggies because I don’t digest them well with my band.  So that is your challenge: Incentives and snacks! 

Probably Thursday after my appointment for my band I will check back in and update you with the good the bad and the ugly!  Do something great for yourself, You deserve it!!  

The Battle Over Obesity

I wish I could say that I had concurred the beast but I can’t.  I’ll introduce some new readers to my journey versus obesity.  My weightloss journey  began in 2010 when I decided that I was going to change my life forever and have the Lap-Band procedure done.  To this day I am glad that I decided to put my health and me in general at the top of the list of needs in my life.  I had my surgery after reaching 325 pounds.  Over the course of about a year and a half I went from 325 down to 209 pound.  My goal was to become “onederful” in the 100’s.  My primary doctor at the time wanted me to strive for 175 maybe even 150 pounds.  When I was around 209 I had hit a point of insanity.  My day typically consisted up to 3 hours of working out and depriving myself of food and defiantly treats.  I got to a point that I would not let myself have even a Hershey kiss.  Well thankfully my husband told me that my new addiction had gotten out of hand.  What I did not realize I was I had a food addiction.  When I felt happy, I ate.  When I felt sad, I ate.  When I was with friends, I ate.  I  ATE AND ATE.  Once I started to drop the weight, I decided all I wanted to do was exercise and I better not dare eat because I can’t gain weight again!  This was not part of my plan.  I started to relax for a while and that got me to my best weight of around 225.  I continued to use my treadmill at home and started to experience pain in my right foot. Come to find out I had a stress fracture in my 4^th metatarsal and ended up experiencing multiple months in a boot or cast, 2 surgeries and a summer of physical therapy to get my foot back into a regular shoe and be able to walk without pain in every step over the next 3 years.  During this time I was not getting any fills in my band because I needed to take care of my foot and I can’t be exercising so it will all be okay.   In the Fall of 2015 I could walk again and I was relieved of that but realized that I had let myself come in last in regards of priorities and I had returned to weighing almost 300 pounds.  For a while I told myself how I had failed, I was a failure, I would never get back into shape and what was the point??  Depression took over my emotions, I started to eat all the time just to sooth myself.  I have to say beginning of this spring I started to really not like the person I had become.  Sure I had good intentions but talk is cheap unless you do something about it.  In April I realized that emotionally I needed to get back on track.  I have always been open to share that a great member of my wellness team has always been a good social worker.  I called a lady that I had clicked with previously and said I wanted to come in and let’s work on me some.  At this time I also started to have some symptoms that mimicked diabetes.  My mom was on medication for diabetes, my dad takes insulin and I had gestational diabetes.  I shared my symptoms with my doctor and we went ahead and did labs and to her surprise my sugar was up significantly enough where I too needed to get on some meds and change what I was doing.  I often think many of us just need a kick in the butt to get our motivation kick started.  This is what it took for me.  So since April I have been seeing my social worker friend again, started taking metformin for my diabetes, watching what I eat, I have gotten my band filled, being very conscious of my food choices, how I talk to myself and trying to get more steps in each day.  Of course not every day goes great nor am I perfect but I have went from 305 to 289 in the last few weeks.  I drink my protein every morning, trying to figure out how to beat my chocolate cravings (Sugar Free Fudge Pops!) and try to be mindful of my portions.  This past week my daughter Raegyn and I have started the Daniel Plan.  The core principles of the Daniel Plan are Faith, Food, Fitness, Focus, and Friends.  So far Raegyn and I have set our goals and are working the plan together.  We both have different focus areas which is good for us.  I use My Fitness Pal to track my food, water, and such.  I use my Fitbit to track my steps.  I have friends and of course my family supporting me. 

               This time around I have different goals.  I want to focus on my health more than the scale which is hard for me.  I am a number person.  I have set more realistic goals this time.  Right now my first big goal is 249.  After than we will try to work out a plan for 225.  Who knows how long it will take but it doesn’t matter.  Obesity is a disease, one that typically wins if you let it.  I will always be obese and I am okay with that.  No matter how hard I try I won’t get down to the chart hanging in the doctor’s office.  My goal is to work hard, take care of myself and not let weight loss take over my life in a negative way.  I encourage you to follow my journey, encourage me, keep me accountable and give me tips on what has worked for you.  I am not in this alone so be a part of my team.  I have things like genetics and depression working against me so my fight will take many tools to keep it in check.  Right now I feel like I can hang with this beast.  

Redemption

I am so thankful for 2^nd, 3^rd 4^th chances and more.  The journey of a healthy lifestyle is a very hard thing to stay on track of for me it seems.  I have had so many ups and downs in the past 4 years since I had my Lap-Band procedure in October 2010.  It does not seem like it has been that long!! During that time I have switched jobs, my kids have gotten a lot more active so we are on the road a lot, I have had two surgeries for a break in my foot, and just life…..life is hard!  When I write, I write for myself and as you know I make myself very vulnerable, I choose to share my feelings in hopes that I can inspire others.   I have recently started communicating with someone who has also had lap-band surgery and was frankly at a stand-still and frankly very frustrated.  I had a couple of great conversations with her and she has expressed how I have inspired her so much and she feels like she has hope now.  Well I shared that with Tony my husband and cried as I told him.  How can I inspire anyone when I can’t seem to inspire myself to try to be positive and get back on track to a healthy life-style?  Last week I had a moment where I threw my hands up in the air and said I need help.  Tony and I had a couple of tearful talks and I decided that I was going to start on making baby steps to head back on the track to a healthy lifestyle. 

Monday morning came and I stepped on the scale, now mind you, I know I have been gaining and frankly not happy about it.  Monday I stepped on, looked down and nearly cried.  What had I allowed to happen in the last year and a half since my fracture in my foot???  Well no exercise, depression, two foot surgery one that put a plate and 4 screws in my foot and then one to remove them has caused me to get off of track.  I am not using my foot injury as the only liable culprit in this weight gain but when you take away the opportunity to walk/run on a treadmill since April of 2013 and then all the drama that has gone with the injury, surgeries and time to rehab I became an emotional mess, and chocolate and such seemed to be my fix L. 

Monday after I got off of the scale I proceeded to do as planned, I went to the kitchen took my meds and vitamins and then proceeded to make 2 protein shakes.  I have had a protein shake each morning, and one at lunch and then trying to eat a sensible meal at night.  Night time is when it is hard for me.  I am trying to stay as normal as possible but yet not get to overboard like I have in the past.  Tony took me last night to DQ for a treat and a part of me panicked.  What was I going to have…..well I had a smoothie, probably not the best but it was not my usually tuxedo chocolate blizzard. 

I am looking forward to getting back on track and seeing how I can be successful again and get healthy again.  I had my stitches out of my foot the other day and I am feeling better but not great yet.  I am eager to get back on my treadmill but I know that I need to take a few more weeks to let my foot heal for good this time.  In the mean-time I am going to work on me.  I am going to try to eat sensibly, try to be positive, make small changes and look forwards not backwards.  I look forward to setting new goals and achieving them.  Most importantly this time I am going to be more realistic and enjoy the journey and quit worrying about the finish-line.  I have a magic number again but if I inch my way back to that number in a healthy way…..that is all that matters, even if I don’t hit it.  Feel free to join me on my journey, encourage me, and hold me accountable.  Also feel free to share my journey.  I am not an expert about Lap-Band but I am not ashamed to say I have a Lap-Band and I have had some mountains and valleys with it.  I am more than willing to talk to anyone who has questions or might just need to be inspired.  Thank you and God Bless You!  Jane

"Enough is Enough" part 2

Some events of the last few weeks have led me to decide enough is enough.  For those of you that are not aware weight has been a life long struggle for me.  In February 2010 I decided to do something that would change my life forever and that it has. My Lapband Journey has been a journey with many ups and downs and I have learned so much in the process.  I have decided that I need to take charge of my health again so part that process will include me starting to blog again.  Feel free to follow along.  I ask for prayers and encouragement.  It has been a long time since I blogged so bare with me as I get back into the swing of things.

So my Lapband journey began with the statement "Enough is Enough"  back in February of 2010.  I decided I was sick of being fat, morbidly obese and frankly worn out and possibly living on  borrowed time.  I was 324 pounds at my highest point and I did not want to live like that anymore.  I decided that I need to take care of my weight and when a new primary doctor suggested Lapband I thought maybe that was something I should look into.  On October 19th 2010 I had my lap band surgery weighing in at 309 that day.  Since then there have many victories, some set backs, another foot surgery, a changed job and more.  I lost weight quickly, loved the attention, the new wardrobe, the energy I felt and more.  So many great things were happening but not all were good for me ultimately.   My relationship with food and exercise changed by 180 degrees.  I became obsessed with what and how much I ate and I exercised more than I ever had.  Looking back now I am able to say I was at an unhealthy point in the journey.  How do you go from never exercising to going to the gym for 1-1 1/2 hours a day and eating everything in site to where you are scolding yourself for putting a treat in your mouth????  Looking back, everything went so fast, the weight melted off of me.  My highest weight was 324 pounds.....lowest weight was 209.  10 pounds from my goal of 199.  Something happened when I was 209.....I was a crazy woman.  I was not a good wife, mother and more.  I was so obsessed with trying not to put calories in my body and exercising just so I could see the numbers get to the magic 199.  I was at another critically dangerous point in my weight journey. 

Tony finally said in the nicest way possible....you are getting crazy with this and around this time my foot was bothering me.  Little did I know I had a stress fracture in my foot. So between my 110% supporting husband saying this is out of control and my foot hurting the exercising slowed to a stop nearly and I started to enjoy food again within reason.   So I would take time off of my treadmill....watch a few pounds come back and it was not until I could not walk that I found out I had a stress fracture in my foot and that is when I feel like I gave up and ME.  The pounds seem to just jump back on then.  I wanted to get back to my treadmill so badly but my doctor kept saying no....finally I got the news that my foot was not going to heal on its own and I was going to need surgery to fix the bone.  So from April till June I wore a boot on my foot.  June  I had a plate and 4 screws put in my foot and I am still not able to get on my treadmill to even walk and it is FEBRUARY!!!!  So what do you do when you can't exercise, you are depressed and you have given up on you???? Well duh you eat!!  So because I believe in being very transparent.....I was at a good point of about 225 or so and i really think that is a good weight for me.  I have gained about 50 pounds in the last year.  I am 277 now and it just breaks my heart. 

I am not broken because I am a failure...it is weight who cares what a scale says.  I am sad because I choose to let one part of my body ( my foot)  take over rest of my well being.  Emotionally I need to reclaim my love for me.  Physically....I can feel the added weight.  Emotionally I don't love my body again  I am very self conscious of my appearance again.    I want to find the love again, this time with a healthy balance. 

Like I said, a few things personally have prompted me to decide enough is enough.  Something that really irked me this week was the finale of The Biggest Loser.  I have mixed opinions about that show anyways  but what my overall opinion about the winner this round is this.....It is her journey and only her and her doctor know what the best weight is for her it does not matter what America thinks.  I am not the only one who has had weight issues nor will  I be the last.  I will always be in battle with my weight and learning to be in harmony with it is the part of the journey I need to embrace this time. 


So my goal is to get back on the track to better health.  Put myself first and start taking care of me again.  I have decided emotionally I need more support again so I have decided that I am going to start seeing a Social Worker again and I really like her and she understands my emotional need right now to fall in love with me again and so I am taking steps to do that.  I am going to start blogging the good, the bad and the ugly. 

I know in the past I have inspired others....I want to be a friend and a supporter of others journeys.  I am thankful for my faithful supporters. 

Let's start rockin again!

There comes a time in every ones weight loss journey where they have to just sit down and look at where they have come from, where they are and where they want to go.  Well I have been meaning to have one of these moments.  My friend Jen had warned me that this day would come.  She was right.....my friend Dan also has had one of these moments recently.  Now it is my turn to look at the past, present and future.  Some of this is ugly and scary but we will do it together! 

Past.  I started this journey about 2 years ago when my weight hit 324 pounds.  My new primary Dr. Nathan Walker at Christie Clinic agreed that it was time for ME to take control of my life.  One of the tools he suggested was checking out the Lap Band surgery.  I met with Sidney Rohrscheibe at IL Bariatric and he felt I was a good candidate. I began the journey of getting the surgical pre approval and everything set up.  I met all the requirements and then as you may recall I had that dreaded ankle injury that ended in surgery.  Once that was behind me I was back on my path.  On Oct 19th 2010 I had my Lab Band procedure performed.  During that first year I had some major transformations occur.  I lost 100 pounds within the first year.  I changed so much what I allowed myself to eat and drink and my band seem to take charge of other things that it did not think I needed to eat.  The first year was was wonderful.  I joined a gym, felt very confident and knew that this was my new life. 

Current.....Well I feel like I have had a few set backs.  I can make many excuses and some are more valid than others.  We had the holidays, I am a very busy mom, work has me stressed out beyond words, and well frankly I sort of feel off the high!  My band has been giving me some fits lately and does not want to eat some things so then I get into the bad habit of eating some of the same things and sometimes there are not the best choices.  I seem to forget that I am important and without me being healthy my kids do not get to be driven everywhere and offered all the things they are, so with that said I need to make a renewed promise to make sure I take my time to go workout, even if it does not work into their plans.  I am headed to see my doctor on Thursday in hopes to get a kick in the butt to start getting back on track.  Don't get me wrong....I have not fallen off the track....I just am sort of on the spare rail just chillin and drinking a shake. 

Future!!!  Well this is the most important part....I am human....I am alive....I can get back on the right track.  So I have a renewed outlook on some things.  Like I said hopefully I can get a little kick in the butt or more importantly a hug of reassurance that I have come this far I can meet all of my goals.  I went and worked out today and it felt good.  I think that if I start working out again that will defiantly help my mood and my stress so that is a priority.  Kenna and I are still planning to do a 5K this spring so that will be a first for me.  The future is bright.  Me deciding to change my life for the good has opened up so many interesting doors.  I still hear from people, I inspire them.  That is great to know, especially since I am living proof that you can fall down and get back up and show the world what you are made of.  Another thing that this lifestyle change has brought me is the opportunity to be a voice to a larger audience.  I am still writing articles for Chambana moms and over the weekend the kids and I were interviewed by a U of I Grad student about kids, nutrition, and obesity.  It was very neat!  I think something that I have not taken time to do and it is something that I think it it time to get back to the basics is: I need to document my weight, what I am eating, what exercise I am getting and most importantly, I need to start blogging again....that is really how I can talk out my feelings and such.  You just get the opportunity to know what is going on in my head!  :) 

I do appreciate all of you and your support and encouragement.  I hope you are doing well. Spring is upon us, I know it seem hard to believe after having ice and snow on my van this morning but Spring is coming!  So get outside, go for a walk, a bike ride, working in the garden, enjoy your life.  As we are out and about we may just loose a few pounds and gain alot of memories!  Take care and blessing to you!